Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
