If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
