NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
