I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
