I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
