Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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