i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
