How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
