I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
BRING THE BAGELS
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
