I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
