I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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