How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
