Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
