who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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