my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
