dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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