even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
