just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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