ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
