Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
