i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
