My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
