yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
