Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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