Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
