so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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