pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love having hate sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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