god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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