I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
