you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
