just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
