I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
