you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
