so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
