she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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