P.S. I can't hear my feet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
