How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think my moral compass just broke
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
