i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They took my balls.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
