The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize