i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
