the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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