I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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