He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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