TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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