Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ruined the universe
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
