oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
