Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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