I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
