hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
