I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
