I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
