Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
