Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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