i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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