id be glad to
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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