When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
