The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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