Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
