I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
