He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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