just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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