at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
