Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They are going to name an STD after you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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