You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
