If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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