Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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