Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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