i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
