I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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