I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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