my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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