Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
